Being a good boyfriend isn't always easy, even if you have an amazing girlfriend. To be a good boyfriend, you have to know how to communicate with your girl, and how to be loving and affectionate without smothering her. A good boyfriend knows how to understand where his girlfriend is coming and when to give her space. If you want to know how to do it, just follow these steps.
Part 1 of 5: Communicating Well
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1Be honest. In any relationship, honesty is almost always the best policy. If you're honest from the beginning of your relationship, then you'll be less likely to run into trouble down the line. To be honest, you should be comfortable telling your girlfriend what you were up to when you were together and to talk about your past without going into too much detail.
- You should tell her what she needs to know without overwhelming her with the truth. If you had a serious past relationship, you can let her know without revealing every little detail about your ex.
- Temper your honesty with kindness. Don't feel as if you have to make every response seem like a compliment. Instead, offer an alternative. For example, if she asks you if you like something she is trying on, let her know that it might work, but you think the blue one is your favourite so far because it shows off her great eyes.
- You should not only be comfortable with being honest, but you should be accepting of her honesty as well. If you want to be a good boyfriend, you should be able to handle the truth.
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2Trust her. Trust your girlfriend and give her reason to trust you. Trust should form the foundation of your relationship; after all, love is a combination of trust and commitment. This will allow you to create a more open relationship toward each other, as well as creating a very good understanding in what your mate wants, feels, and needs.
- You can trust your girlfriend by telling her something that a lot of people don't know about you -- because you really want her to know.
- You can make her trust you by showing that you care and are concerned if she tells you something personal and important to her.
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3Contribute equally to conversations. When you talk, aim for at least a 60-40 balance in the flow of conversation. It's awkward when a partner is either too quiet or too talkative. If you're too quiet, she'll think you're not interested in her, or that you're being distant. If you're too talkative, she'll think you're self-obsessed or plain impolite. But if she's naturally more shy or talkative than you are, don't try to change her, either.
- Conversations are about give and take. You shouldn't just be telling her a long story, waiting for her to react.
- Obviously, there will be occasions when you do talk a lot (such as when something exciting or important happens) or when you retreat a bit (such as when something bad happens) but on the whole, aim for a balance of conversation.
- When the talk seems to falter, use questions to keep it going. Ask her what movies she enjoys and which are her favorites. Ask her what her favorite season is and what she likes most about it. Ask her what her favorite toy was when growing up and why. You get the drift––little questions can lead to more discussion.
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4Be a good listener. Remember, the opposite of talking is not waiting for your turn, it's listening. Make sure you're actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Don't listen too intensely and don't stare––not once breaking eye contact is a bit scary! Always seem interested and fully engaged in her presence.
- If you're just waiting for her to stop talking so you can say your part, it'll be obvious.
- Remember, a conversation with your girlfriend isn't just acknowledging, it's also about remembering. If your girlfriend is telling you about an important experience, don't just put the story in your short-term memory.
- If she's told you something twice before and you have no idea what she's talking about because you weren't really listening, she'll know and she won't be happy about it.
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5Learn to compromise. Compromise is a big part of successful communication. If you and your girlfriend can't disagree without getting into a big fight or without one person immediately giving in to the needs of the other, then you have a problem. To be good at compromising, you should be able to talk about your needs and wants while understanding where your girlfriend is coming from instead of ignoring her side of the story.
- After you and your girl both talk about what you think about a certain situation, you can work together to make a pro and con list, and to decide what will be best for both of you.
- Sometimes, you and your girlfriend will have to give in to one another. That's okay, as long as you're taking turns. If she picks the movie for date night, you should pick the dinner location.
- Part of learning to compromise is using a calm, even voice when you have a disagreement, instead of yelling or not being willing to listen if you don't get your way. Remember, as the boyfriend you're not always expected to be the "stone" or solid part of your relationship. It's ok to give in to your girlfriend's wants and needs occasionally, even if you feel the choice is very one sided. Just don't be a pushover.
Part 2 of 5: Being Supportive
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1Be supportive. You can show support by being available, listening attentively and showing your interest in the things she has to tell you. When you spend time together, make an effort to be present and attentive to her needs. By being supportive, you'll help to strengthen the sense of security and reciprocity in the relationship. And if you support her goals and dreams, then she'll support yours in turn.
- Be there when she has to study for any upcoming exams, apply to college or any career-oriented programs, or when she's stressed about anything that is coming up that can affect her future.
- If she's having a busy week or month, you should be there to help her out by doing small favors, like picking up lunch or giving her a ride to class, to make her days easier.
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2Compliment her sincerely. You should compliment your girlfriend as often as you can without making her feel smothered. You should both compliment her looks, letting her know that she looks cute whether she's all dressed up or just hanging out in casual clothes, and her personality. That way, she'll know that you care about her appearance and what's on the inside. Girls generally earn confidence about themselves if you tell them reasons they should be. They will usually notice that their newfound/strengthened confidence had something to do with your compliments.
- Go beyond the ordinary statements. For example, don't just say, "You look nice." Instead, say "That really makes your eyes shine," or "Your haircut really suits the shape of your face." The more specific you are, the more unique and appreciative the compliment.
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3Be sympathetic. If it means something to her, it means something to you. It doesn't matter that you wouldn't be interested in the issue if it weren't for her––a relationship is about sharing experiences and being supportive. When she's upset, try to put yourself in her shoes and understand where she's coming from. Don't just dismiss her feelings because you think it's "not that big of a deal." Always confirm that you are listening and sound sincere when you comfort her. If you don't feel like you are genuinely sorry, try to change the way you think. Remember, if you are sympathetic, even if you break up you will have earned a good reputation for being a "sweet" boyfriend.
- Sometimes, she may just want to cry and to be comforted. Don't try to fix her problems right away -- wait for her to deal with all of her emotions before being practical.
- If she's upset, it's important to ask, "Do you want to talk about it?" Make her see that you really care. And if she's not ready to talk about it yet, don't pry.
Part 3 of 5: Being Affectionate and Loving
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1Show affection often. Show your girlfriend that you love her by being affectionate. Small touches, hugs, a kiss and maybe a little public display of affection (PDA) are just some of the ways of connecting through affection.
- Don't overdo it––you don't want to make her uncomfortable. Remember to read her signs, and if she's not in the mood, don't kiss her.
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2Make physical contact. Girls are usually more sensitive than guys, so even a light touch is appreciated. If your girl is a romantic, upon seeing her for the first time in a couple of days, say, "I missed you..." and weave your arms around her hips then give her a loving hug. A hug in public can last anywhere from five seconds, to a minute or two but again, read her signals to see if time's up.
- If you have been together with your girlfriend for longer, and have kissed before, feel free to also give a light kiss on her lips/cheek/forehead/neck just to show that you really appreciate her presence. Or just kiss her hand by clasping and bringing it up to your lips.
- If you're not sure how your girlfriend feels about public displays of affection, be discreet at first. Believe it or not, not every girl is into holding hands.
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3Appreciate her looks. You should love how she looks, both with and without makeup. Make sure she knows she can relax and be herself with you. Don't make her feel like she always has to look like a celestial being. You should let her know that she looks pretty whether she's spent an hour getting ready or if she's just woken up.
- If she gets a new haircut or a new outfit, let her see that you've noticed and that she looks amazing.
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4Give her presents on special occasions. Put thought into a birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas or anniversary gift and other special occasions. Choose a gift that is reasonable and thoughtful; it doesn't need to be expensive, just considerate of who she is and her likes.
- Think of special touches, like adding a her name to a necklace, or a pendant representing something she cares about, such as a snowflake if she loves to ski or a musical note if she loves to play an instrument, etc. Usually, unless she doesn't like chocolate, a gift of some will be appreciated.
- Notice her interests when you're out together. She might make mention of something she likes in a shop window, or something she wishes she could try, like going for a horse ride or abseiling. Don't just think of tangible items––experience gifts can be far more exciting and fun than a list of things.
- Flowers are often an ideal gift. They're pretty, they're thoughtful and they're not going to break the budget. If she really likes a certain type of flower, buy her the plant for her garden or windowsill; she can tend to it and continue to be reminded of you.
Part 4 of 5: Being Spontaneous
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1Keep your relationship fresh. Try not to fall into a rut of always doing the same things. While you probably have one or two regular things you enjoy doing together, avoid making the regular the only things you do. Instead, try visiting new places, giving new activities a go and going to different parts of town. Even if the new activities don't turn out the way you'd hoped, at least you've shared the experience and are getting to know one another even better.
- By mixing things up, you keep the excitement in your relationship and make your outings together refreshing. You are also creating memories together that will endure well beyond the experiences.
- In time, the two of you should grow to be comfortable with each other, and do things together without feeling self-conscious. Ideally, your girlfriend should never feel stupid around you for wanting or doing a particular thing. Always be prepared to step out of your comfort zone and try something new.
- Surprise your girlfriend by doing something offbeat now and then -- this could include anything from racing your girlfriend to your walking destination, dancing without music, or even bringing her a tub of Lego bricks and encouraging her to build something that represents the two of you.
- (read here: 8 good ways that show that you just need sex )
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2Get her a gift just because. Pick something up out of the blue now and then and give it to her just because your were "thinking of her". This sort of gift has great impact because it's so unexpected and delightful. Sean Connery summed it up best when he said that "[t]he way to a woman's heart is through an unexpected gift at an unexpected time."
- If you're feeling affectionate, sentimental, or just lucky, go out and get your girlfriend a gift -- even if her birthday is just a few weeks away.
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3Take a surprise trip. Though a trip away from home is not a good long-term solution for any relationship, taking a surprise trip for the weekend, or even for the day, is a great way to keep things feeling exciting and spontaneous, like anything can happen. You can pick a location in advance and just tell her what to pack without saying where you're going; she'll love the mystery and excitement of going to an unknown location.
- You can also be spontaneous together. You can pull out a map, draw a circle within a 50 mile (80 km) radius of where you live, and have her close her eyes and point at a random location, which will be your destination for the day.
- Has there been a place that she's mentioned wanting to see? If she's mentioned the fact that she's never checked out a national park or quirky town not too far from where you live, take her there without telling her where you're going. She'll love the spontaneity and the fact that you took the time to listen to her.
Part 5 of 5: Maintaining Your Independence
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1Give her space. Just because your girlfriend is your significant other, it doesn't mean she is yours, implying some kind of ownership. You can't keep this person all to yourself. To give her space, you should be comfortable doing your own thing and letting her do hers. You don't have to be attached at the hip to have a great relationship. In fact, if you let her pursue her own interests and hang out with her girlfriends without checking in every five seconds, she'll like you even more.
- Find a balance that lets you both spend some time alone, spend time with your individual friends, and spend time with each other.
- You might get jealous if she talks to someone else, but if you trust her and you're good to her, you shouldn't have anything to worry about.
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2Take care of yourself. Don't be needy or dependent. Nothing scares a person away faster than spending time around someone who constantly needs to be reminded to do laundry, take a shower, or get to work on time. Be hygienic and neat, set goals, and work hard. You can't be a good boyfriend if you're not taking responsibility for yourself.
- She won't have fun in the relationship if she feels like she's always nagging you to do one thing or another.
(read here: 8 Silly Things Men Do During S3x That Leads To Pregnancy [ADULT ONLY])
- She won't have fun in the relationship if she feels like she's always nagging you to do one thing or another.
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3Spend time with your separate friends. Encourage her to have time with her friends and expect the same in turn for time with your friends. Though every night shouldn't be "boy's night" or "girl's night," you should be comfortable enough to let her spend time with her friends, and to hang out with your boys, without wishing you were with your girlfriend the whole time.
- Spending time with your separate friends will make you appreciate each other even more when you see each other again.
- Maintaining different social schedules will also give you something to "report back" when you are together again.
- Spending time with your separate friends will make you appreciate each other even more when you see each other again.
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4Maintain some separate interests. Keep up your hobbies, sports and other interests that you had before each of you met; show an interest but don't force yourself into doing those things unless you're genuinely interested. Though it'll be great to find a hobby, sport, or activity that you both like together, you shouldn't force her to watch football with you if she doesn't want to, and you shouldn't have to go to yoga with her unless it's something you wanted to try.
- Maintaining your separate interests will help you maintain a sense of individuality, and to grow separately so that you can grow together.
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